steppingintoday.com

Stepping In and Stepping Forward with Our Graduates

This month my family has a lot to celebrate.  Besides all seven children moving forward, we have some special moves to make.  My 5^th grade daughter moves up to Middle School, or as we called it “Jr. High”. The twins are moving up to High School, and the larger step for many, is our senior who will graduate this year.

With each celebration we are taken back to memories of our own childhoods.  I’m sure we can all recall moments during these periods in our lives that have shaped who we are.  It feels not so long ago, when infact, it has been decades. 

When I look back I often wonder how each decision affected who I am today.  I yearn for the friendships of yesteryear that were so real and easy to maintain.  The time where effortless bonds were created without knowing, and  flourishing foundations built without effort.  It stands to reason that these moments are never really appreciated until we are here, in our “parent” years, seeing the world through the eyes of our children.

They say we learn from our mistakes, and surely we do.  We only wish we could

pave the way for our children by taking those lessons and applying them in fast forward motion to the paths they choose, so that the tough lessons aren’t thrown their way.  But, we can’t.   So as we wish our seniors well and set them on their way, we hold their hearts forever and let go of their hands.  While I’m no great creator of the right path in romance (obviously, or I wouldn’t be writing a column on remarriage and stepfamilies- had I gotten it right the first time) and my present career in real estate was not even part of my college plans when majoring in business, there are some words tried and true that they can take with them.  So seniors, these are for you;

Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.   Simple words of wisdom that help you understand that you need to choose the right people to surround yourself with.   Your friends are a reflection of you, be sure you choose well, and associate with those that best emphasize the positive attributes you already display.

Stand for Something or you’ll fall for anything.  Peer pressure doesn’t cease when you leave high school.   Truth be told, peer pressure will exist well into adulthood. You need to know when to stand for what you believe in, when to act on it, and when to walk away.  Don’t drink and drive, even if you’re 50.  Infact, lets take that one step further-don’t even drink and talk, if you can help it!

If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.  Do not give up if things get tough, it’s the old saying of “try, try again”.  Know that you are at the place everyone else has been and it won’t be easy, but it will get easier.  Do your best, and your best will be good enough.

Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.  I just have to address the dating drama. If it is taking up all you have to give, and efforts are huge and returns are small, it is time to leave it broken!  Don’t let a relationship define you, define yourself – and then find your relationship that is supportive of the wonderful you. (Yes, I figured this out at 43) J

As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. In your future employment, find the office with the co-workers you respect and admire.  Being happy in your environment is a great step towards future success.  Choose well those you affiliate yourself with, as reputation is everything.

Don’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands.  This is a simple reminder that it is better sometimes to give than to receive.  It is often by helping others that we get our greatest rewards.  Give of your time to the less fortunate if you feel the desire.  Charity work builds character.

In closing, I’m reminded of the lyrics that I gave to my oldest daughter, now in her 4^th year of college, on her high school graduation day.

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…I hope you dance

Congratulations Class of 2009!

Stepping In Today…

 By Laura Vomvos

Stepping into spring, I was reminded of Easter being on the way.  How sweet  it was when my youngest daughter asked, “Mom, when is Easter?” on the morning after Valentines Day.  I had a feeling it wasn’t because she wanted to go to church.  Right behind that it followed, “because I need some games for the Wii in my basket”.  A brief pause and then “and I’m going to ask dad for games for my PSP.  Nice, I thought.  We’ve gone from Jesus, to chocolate bunnies, to technology games that cost a bundle.  This Easter I’m going out to search for the big golden egg.  After all, there must be one hidden somewhere with a whole lot of cash in it that the kids just haven’t told me about.

The thought of overcompensating comes to mind. Now, I’m sure this doesn’t apply only to stepfamilies.  We live in a world of very well off children.  As parents, we are all broke, but our children, they are very well off.  In the blended family we have some extreme situations.  While everyone is feeling bad for the children of the “broken home” what they don’t realize is that our guilt of “broken” has turned into “broke”.  It isn’t a competition, it is a matter of circumstance.

Having two families provides some nice fringe benefits.  Our children have two Christmas’s, followed by two Easters, and somewhere in the vicinity of three to four birthdays.  Let’s see, Mom has a party with the family, but can we fit the friends?  Hence, a separate party with the friends.  Dad must have a party of his own, so now we are on three, but who’s counting?  Mind you, we also bake cupcakes for school for our child that has a birthday with the audacity not to fall on a weekend.

We don’t mean to complicate things, but as I see it, by the time our children are married they will need four Christmas’s.  Christmas Eve for one parent, Christmas day for the other, the day after Christmas for the inlaws, and if the inlaws happen to be divorced with the statistics today...you guessed it, the eve before the day before the day after Christmas.

Our gifts have gone from board games to “anything for me not to be bored” games. Monopoly and Scrabble to IPODS and flat Screens, cellphones and laptops.  I’ll never forget when my husband went out and purchased a motorcycle for the twins birthdays when they turned 8.  I got a call from their mom asking me when the airplane was arriving.  I quickly realized she was on to the overcompensation rule.  I’m just as guilty of breaking the overcompensation rule myself, as is my ex who is still searching for the promised pony.

In a  world of economic instability, it is time to start joining efforts. I want to thank Party Express on Main in East Islip for hosting my daughters only 11^th birthday party.  I combined our dysfunctional family, the family of the ex, and the friends, all under one roof.  It was a great time had by all in a nice neutral setting.  You see, the boundaries are in place, and while relationships are cordial, there is still a discomfort to joining one another in the family home.   If you have a cooperative relationship, ask the other bio parent to contribute half if the gift is going to be elaborate.   It is amazing what can be accomplished when two bright minds come together on behalf of the children.  A laptop can be bought for $300 and each parent can pay $150 instead of  one parent going all out for a $300  laptop, and the other parent reaches for the $200  IPOD Shuffle.  The only gift a child really needs is the constant love and support of their parent.   Not to mention, teaching the value of a dollar is a gift in itself.  When  parents are divorced, but can communicate well for the sake of the children, it is the greatest gift of all.

 We need to xplain to our children that the money tree in the yard has been uprooted.  Lets start introducing them to tag, tree climbing, hopscotch and kickball.  For the older ones, what is wrong with board games I ask?  How about free on demand movies and popcorn at home?  Better yet, how about some quality family time just talking to me, your mom, who spends all this money to see you smile.  I’m a fun person, try me.

        In closing, a special note to my own children who are having birthdays this month, Happy Birthday Amanda, Marisa and Joey, I love you, but no… you aren’t getting laptop.

Stepping out until next time! 

Stepping In Today

                                                 With Laura Vomvos

It began with a knock at the door and television game show host JD Roth exclaiming to America, “Your family has been chosen for Opportunity Knocks!” From then on, we were referred to as the Long Island Bradys. We received hundreds of letters, emails, and phone calls – some thanking us, some poking a little fun, and others complimenting us on how well we represented what it means to be a stepfamily, otherwise known today as a “blended family.” 

The more we had been referred to as the Bradys, the more I thought of the real portrayal of a stepfamily.  It was then that I decided the Bradys did not portray the real deal, have the real answers, or the necessary boundaries that are needed in the  make up of the average stepfamily.  I mean, where was the chaos, the noise, the battles?  Mom didn’t work, AND she had Alice!  Mr. Brady worked at home, had a short day of work, and his drawings were always precise.  They never ran out of milk, ran short on money, or showed the house in complete disarray.  Just once, I want to see that station wagon try to get all those kids to the extra curricular activities at the same time, on six different fields.

With the growing numbers of divorce and remarriage, the stepfamily is all too common.  I  grew up with stepparents, am now a stepparent, and share my children with  stepparents.  You might say we have all bases covered.  While I make no claim to being a professional in the area, I’m experienced enough to bring some ideas to people that are struggling.  They say to “write what you know” so my goal with this column is to provide some insight to others who are living in stepfamily-dom.  I want to share stories that make you laugh and realize that you are not alone, and stories that will address situations that are not so funny.

In a world of positive change, I want to do my part.  Through our wonderful community publication of The Pride, I will be bringing you this column. I’m sure you won’t have to be a stepfamily to relate.  We live in an average home, two working parents, and seven children ranging from the ages of 21 – 3.  My guess is, we have a lot to share.  Let me correct that, I meant six working parents, yes six, combining both ends, making the decisions for these children.  Now it gets interesting doesn’t it?

On that note, we are heading out now, in two cars. That is how we “roll” with a family of nine.  We are headed to an ice skating party, baseball clinic lessons, a visit with dad, church with nanny, and a few open houses.  Are we all going to these same functions together?  Think again, that would be too easy. J

Stepping Out until next month……….